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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Devika

My old school...the same old hallways...same old walls...same old smell...same old faces…

I am walking through the crowd. I am excited. I shouldn’t be. I hated that place. Violins and disco music playing somewhere…that’s odd. Old friends of mine in every room. Some with no faces. Some with faces I cant remember. I can’t recognize a face if I don’t concentrate on some one in particular. I’m with a buddy of mine, we were never in the same school but somehow he's here and I know this isn’t a regular class session. Yes, I know it’s a dream. Damn… late for my first class.

I walk in. The teacher's already there. Can’t place her. The classroom changes in a rush of colours. I’m in some sort of an exotic hall and somehow I know the purpose of the class. I walk up through the rows of desks and benches and people. I don’t feel eyes on the back of my head boring through my skull. For the first time in that place I feel at peace.

Aah an old friend I haven’t met in years! He's even got a girlfriend! Lucky bastard. But then why would he make room for me in the middle? Between the girl and him... something's not right. I move on. Another friend as I walk up. He says something to me about not being in touch and I finally move to the back row. The last two benches seem empty. Just in front of the wall. In front of me a girl with dusky skin and flaming hair. I can’t seem to recall the exact colour of her hair for some reason. It keeps changing in every memory. Sometimes its black as the night and yet when I look at her again its bright golden with flaming red at the tips. She was overflowing with elegance and she looked positively bored. A waitress in a red and green tight body suit is serving drinks to some north-eastern lady. She tips her for a show. The waitress, an Asian, gets into this beautiful colourful trance and starts dancing... the sleeves of her top too long for her hands and the stay hidden. Kind of like Kurt Cobain. I longed to see those hands as they move over her breasts as she rubs and squeezes them. She keeps on playing with herself for a while just standing there. Body flowing with the soft rhythm of the hair-raising music and finally she puts water on herself. All drenched she took erotism to the next level with the moves she conjured out of thin air. No one except the lady and me notice her. It’s as if I am not supposed to and yet I am tapping into her.

I can’t concentrate on the class. The girl in front of me turns around and whispers in my ear about being bored. Her voice unlike any other I’ve heard before. It’s soothing. We talk throughout the class. Nothing seemed to bother us. Not the guy she is sitting with, not my buddy sitting beside me. I kept getting drawn to her. Our cheeks touching as she leaned back to whisper in my ear. The classroom changes into a whirlwind of colours and we were at peace with ourselves. Pasts forgotten, the future a mystery. I can finally look forward to the future as long as she keeps talking. It’s like listening to L.Shankar's violin on acid. You feel each and every raw emotions emerging from the high pitch notes. Its sad and its happy its pain and its freedom. Its like being on a beach in the night with the water rising up to the shore just kissing our feet as it tries to embrace us with its cool, assuring, all will be well. Hope.

I ask for her name.I did not want to leave her. Who would?I ask for her name. She takes my face in her hands looks me deeply in the eye and says her name. Devika. At least that is what I remember when I wake up every time. She said she didn’t like her name so I asked if I could call her Devi instead.

I like to believe it was Devi. The eternal woman. The girl of my dreams is a Goddess. A Devi. She was just perfect. In every way...the perfect being, the perfect woman. With eyes you could die for, voice that you long to hear every time you wake up. That’s the irony of it I guess...I can only hear her calling me when I’m asleep. I don’t know her any other way.

Its one of those dreams you wish you never wake up from.

Friday, May 14, 2010



The fact that life has fucked us all is certain.

Though we try to hide the fact that it was us to begin with. It took a great amount of energy in part of creation for us to actually see, hear and feel it. And being able to do so on our own, is reason enough to go through the whole process. And while we ponder over the existence of divine astronomical powers and give up the control over our actions to fate, who is the only being divine celestial or demonic, going against the process of nature our life is over.

We die before we even get started.